Monday, June 17, 2013

A journey of faith

You can say "God has a plan" or "The universe knows best" but it comes down to the same thing.  I don't believe much in random chance.  Things certainly happen for a reason. 

When Kirk and I got married 6 years ago, I knew it was right.  But I was still a little nervous.  I prayed about it for weeks before hand, "Lord, just give me a sign that this is the right move, I don't want to make a mistake."  The answer?  A dream in which I was marrying someone else! I woke up in a panic and then when I realized that it was just a dream and I was, in fact, marrying Kirk, I knew everything was going to be OK.

Less than a year later I realized our relationship had grown more in the previous 10 months than the 8 years prior.  We were in turmoil.  I was facing surgery and we knew we were ready to move on from the hustle and bustle of life in Northern VA.  We didn't know where we were going, just that we were going. I had already non-renewed at the schools at which I was teaching and Kirk turned in his resignation on a Monday morning.  Monday afternoon he got a phone call from a friend about this job at a brand new high school in Knoxville, TN.  He applied, was interviewed over the phone and offered the job in the same day.  We never looked back.  It was easy.  We simply packed our things,  jumped in the U-Haul and drove south.

For those that know the story, Whit was our miracle baby.  We wanted him for so long and it wasn't until we gave up control that we finally got him.  "All in God's time" became our mantra.  It wasn't easy to give up control over things and rely only on faith, but we did it.  We took a backseat to our own lives and let God be in control. And we were rewarded.

2 years later I found out that the baby we were going to try for in the fall had decided to come a few months early.  I had just told Kirk we were going to be more relaxed the second time around and "The baby will come when God sees fit." Surprise! God saw fit a little earlier than we were planning.  That's what we get for planning!  Eilidh is such a delightful child and her timing was perfect.  She showed up on the evening of a rain delay just a few days after Grams showed up and a few days before spring break.

Now, I've been praying (and crying) about my desire to have more time with my children since the week Whit was born.  I never imagined that I would want to be a stay at home mom, and maybe I still don't want to be "only mom."  But I do want the opportunity to love and nurture my children more than I am getting working full time. Every time I prayed about it I got the same response.  "Be still and wait." Not an easy answer to get for 2 years....

Lo and behold, not long before Eilidh was born we started hearing rumors about a job opening in our hometown.  I knew moving home would mean that I would have the opportunity to stay home more, but I didn't want to be selfish.  If God intended for me to work, that's exactly what I was going to do.  I didn't encourage or discourage Kirk to apply for this position.  OK, I encouraged him to apply, but didn't really give him much advice on whether or not to take it (much to his chagrin).

For the first time, following our life path became difficult. It was like trying to read the exit signs on the interstate in the middle of a torrential downpour at night.  Not exactly clear. So we slowed down; we had to tread carefully and let the situation unfold.  We had to actually make a decision this time.  As the time to make the decision drew closer, the path got a little clearer.  And then, there we were, at the cross-roads and the sun came out and shined on the sign that said "Exit here."

I prayed a lot that day and, for the first time in a long while, got a different answer.  "God, what should we do? Should we stay? Should we go?"  And, quite clearly "Go, your work here is done."

What does the future have in store for us? Who knows! (Well, some one knows).  It's a good thing I like surprises and I'm patient, because I doubt I'm finding out one second before I need to know.  And now that I've learned (OK, I'm still learning) how to let go of control and TRUST it's getting a little easier.

It's like the songs I've heard Whit singing the last few weeks, maybe not just by chance.

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.....

Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey...   

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