Free to be Three

Three is such a great number.

It's the number of strikes a batter gets and the number of outs a team gets in baseball each inning.  It's the number of children my parents had.  It's how many times I think you should try before deciding something isn't for you.  It's the number of times I will re-direct and remind Whit of proper behavior before stepping it up to the next level.  And it's prominent in when Kirk and I were blessed with Whit; after our third try and three days of labor, just three weeks before our third wedding anniversary.

Now that Whit is three, I've wanted to sit down and really get into what makes him three.  So, of course, three days shy of three months and three weeks after his third birthday, here it is! (did you get that math?)

What does it mean to be three?

I can't really remember but for Whit it means....

Being very entertaining running around a soccer field never touching a ball.
Giving the best hugs ever.
Being a great big brother.
Making up silly words and using them in actual conversation.
Finally understanding the rules to "Say what I say."
Not feeling weird about having soup and grilled cheese for breakfast.
Thinking its just as much fun to go down the chutes as up the ladders. 
Knowing that "W" is for Whit and "T" is for "tea" and "K" is for ketchup but not understanding that "Ckw" doesn't spell anything.
You say a lot of funny things. 
You think that everyone who is in your family must have the last name "Renegar"
That logic and reason can now be applied to most situations.

And then there's the hard stuff which is...

Being almost too old for napping which often leads to a late bedtime or a very difficult evening.
Having so many emotions you don't know what to do.
Learning how to separate your wants from your needs.
Understanding that the world isn't ending when you wants are not met.
Missing people when they aren't around.
The fact that logic and reason sometimes go out the window. 


Whit.... wait, correction, Whitfield Ian Renegar.  "W" for Whit and "R" for Renegar.  I think that's how he will be introducing himself for months.... is three.  Wow!

I've been lamenting how "big" he's been getting for over a year.  My favorite statement was that we were having another baby because he was so big and didn't need me anymore.  He barely fits in the rocker and takes up more than his fair share in bed.

But the truth is, he does still need me.  Three is a difficult time.  You definitely aren't a baby, but you are stuck somewhere in between toddler and child.  And three is a glamorous "tween" time like 12, not a child but almost a teenager and ruling the world, or 30, in between young and...not so young anymore.

Three is my greatest hope and my biggest fear. Three is when many people will tell you they began having memories that last into adulthood.  So much of what a child knows about the world is in place by three.  Three year olds just about get how the world works.  I want Whit to get that the world is a beautiful place where he can make a positive difference.  I want his memories from three to be golden.  I want three to be the foundation for a great and meaningful life.

Whitfield Ian Renegar, congrats on being three.

I like to move it

Eilidh is desperate to move! She has all the pieces but hasn't quite figured out how to put them together.

The sixth month

Wow! I cannot believe Eilidh is six months!  Happy Half-Birthday!

Everyone says time flies and your kids grow up faster than you can blink.  Although that's true, I've found recently that if I, to borrow the new buzz word, flow, I can "be" with my kids and truly enjoy them.  I'm sure I cannot express how blessed I feel to be able to see each and every development Eilidh goes through as she is doing it.  Here's what she's up to this month.

Social/Emotional
Eilidh recognizes friends and relatives and often gives strangers a "look" before deciding to smile.  Whit did the same, but Eilidh chooses smile much more often, she's such a friendly baby. She's recently discovered the baby in the mirror and I often need to move away from mirrors when we are trying to get to sleep as she will choose explore over sleep any day.

This week Eilidh was re-introduced to Raylan, someone I hope will be a good friend to her for a long time.  You could tell that she was a younger sister because she swiped whatever toy Raylan was playing with just as soon as she got the opportunity!


Language
Eilidh has learned her name and she lights up when she hears it, especially when it is coming from Daddy.  She will "ah-Ah-ah" at Whit when she is trying to get his attention and often sounds like she is speaking to him.  She has a special puppy-dog whine when she wants something that she isn't getting and an "Eh-Eh" noise that she makes when upset.


Thinking
Eilidh is very curious.  She is always touching things (she loves carpet) and reaching for objects that are outside of her circle but within sight (especially if those things belong to her brother!) She has outstanding hand-eye coordination and can pick up and manipulate anything that you send her way. 

Physical
Eilidh rolls everywhere, it's her chosen mode of travel.  She will sit and play until she needs to reach for something that is too far away and topples over. She is also quite the jumping bean and is very eager to crawl.  Sometimes I think her lack of sleep is because she's on a serious training regime - roll, up, try to crawl, roll, up, try to crawl...

Helping Mommy fold laundry

Watching her very first VT game!

Laughing at Heidi

Trying to decide which of Raylan's toys to take next

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Knowing

When do you truly know someone?  How long does it take to be able to peek into their soul?

Did I know my husband when we got married, after eight years together? Do I know him any better now after 6 years of marriage?

Do you know that childhood friend with whom you've spent time for thirty, forty, fifty years?

Does a woman know her child after carrying him for more than nine months? After all of those one sided conversations with her ripening belly?

Yes.... and no.

I'll begin with you can never truly know the inner workings of a person's mind.  It is even more difficult to know someone who does not know himself.  But the underlying problem is that we are dynamic, constantly changing from one moment to the next.  Children especially grow and change quickly and it can be quite a battle to keep up with them.

Yes, you can gaze down with hazy, tear filled eyes at the still moist newborn in your arms and say "Hello, I know you!"

True, a baby recognizes his mother simply by scent and sound from the moment of birth.  But recognition is far from knowing.

Here's what I know.

I know when Eilidh is hungry.  I often know when Whit is tired long before he does.  I understand the nuances in their personalities and I know them each a little better every day.  I know that Eilidh rarely cries.  But I know the small, seemingly insignificant, looks and sounds that mark her needs.

I'm wet, please change me.
I'm tired.
I'm exhausted and I cannot take anymore.
I want to play.
Where did you go?
Are you gone forever? Come back!
I would like to get out of the car.
I am very ready to get out of the car.
Can we PLEASE get out of this car?
If you don't get me out of the car, right this minute.....


Knowing is a relationship.  Like all relationships, it takes work, time.

For me, our journey began when I knew I was pregnant with each of them and it will continue for longer than I am aware and encompass things I cannot now fathom.  A big turning point for me was Eilidh's birth.  Knowing that I alone was bringing her into the world gave me knowledge about myself and my abilities, and knowledge is power.  I suddenly knew that my limits were not what I had thought them to be and that, in fact, there may not be a limit to what I can endure and overcome.  I knew my husband on a deeper level. I knew that with God as my foundation and Kirk as my frame, I had built a house that would not crumble.

Our journey continues each time I know what my child needs, or wants, or is best for them.  I know that there are times when they are hungry, or hurt, cold or scared. I know there are times when they simply need me.  And I am secure in the knowledge that I will always be there for them.

I know I missed much of this with Whit. I can remember saying "I just don't know what he wants."  And on very difficult days "I just don't know him right now."

I know I'm blessed to be able to walk this path and cultivate a deeper knowledge of and relationship with my children. 
I know that everyone, myself included, does not necessarily get this with all or any of their children.  I believe this affects their relationship as their child grows and could potentially culminate in a raised voice behind a recently slammed door saying "You just don't know me at all."


Some women never know their strength and fortitude.  Some never know the freedom of having another upon whom they can fully rely. Some women and children begin their journey handicapped. Circumstance, ignorance, choice, and unknown or unchangeable factors can all block their path and make the way confusing. Some never know the joy of seeing their child at the moment of birth, never know the beauty of holding their child close and knowing that they are that child's entire world.  Some lose the knowledge and never regain it. Others fight and win it back with great effort.  Some never know the easy walk through the valley and only ever see the jagged peaks of danger, strife and pain.

I know that makes me sad.

I know that we can make things better.

My wish for all women is the same that I have for my daughter.

That she knows herself and her mind.  That she knows her strengths and passions.  That she knows she is loved.  That she knows she is safe. That she knows the joy of birthing and nurturing and knowing her child.  That she knows the world can be a good place and that she can make it better. And that she knows grace.

Funny Things

Whit has said so many amusing things over the last few weeks that I find I need to write them down here else I would flood Facebook with "funny things Whit says."

On Soccer
ME: Whit, what number do you think you would like on the back of your soccer jersey?
W: mmmm...FIVE! Number five, Eric Renegar!!!!
ME: OK. Did you know Daddy was number five also?
W: Yeah, that was when he was young.

On Play time
Mommy.....
    you're the Mommy Elephant and I'm the baby Elephant.
    you're the Mommy Bird and I'm the baby Bird.
    you're the Mommy Snake and I'm the baby Snake.
    you're the Mommy Worm and I'm the baby Worm.
and I can't forget my favorite and the most recent version. Mommy, I'm baby Shrek and you are Princess Fiona. 


On School
ME: Whit, It's time to go to school!
W: OK. Mommy?
ME: Yes?
W: I'm not going to cry, because school isn't scary.
ME: That's good.

On Identities
W: Mommy.
ME: Yes Whit?
W: Eilidh is a lady. And you are a lady too.
ME: Thank you Whit, you are a gentleman.
W: I'm not a gentleman, I'm a boy.
ME: OK, you are a boy.
W: I'm not a boy, I'm Whitfield Ian Renegar.  Mommy, what's my name?
ME: Your name is Whitfield Ian Renegar. What's my name?
W: Aunt Becka Renegar.

On Religion
W: Mommy, I want to read that book, the God one.
ME: OK. Do you want to start at the beginning?
W: Yes.
ME: This is Genesis, the first book.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. ² Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

³ And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. ⁴ God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. ⁵ God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

⁶ And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” ⁷ So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. ⁸ God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

⁹ And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. ¹⁰ God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.

W: Mommy, who is God talking to?

ME: I'm not sure, He's just talking I think.

W: Maybe he's talking to Jesus.

ME: Maybe.

W: What does Jesus say back? 

 

On Travel
ME: Whit, can you take off your shoes? They need to be washed.
W: No! I need my skates (shoes)
ME: Why?
W: Because I have to go to Alaska!